One Bady Day by: Silvio Ubilla for Jake Dylan first written by Zeus ·
Jun 05, 2009Chapter 1.
I don’t remember if it was Nicholas or Jeremy that told me about this guy but the look in their eyes says it all. They were all hyped up so I figured they were talking smack, we do that all the time. Three weeks ago he told me the Loch Ness monster was seen by his grandfather. Ha! I really want to take them both seriously but just yesterday they pulled a prank on me.
Nicholas chimes in:
Listen, I know we pulled that prank on you yesterday
Jeremy jumps on in as well:
We are not making this shit up. This fat guy in a red freaking suit is one awesome dude. He came down our freaking chimney and left us gifts!
Jeremy pulls out his arms wide holding an Optimus Prime Transformer.
Jeremy yells in a yelpie voice:
TOYYYYYYYSSS!!!!
Arms frantically wave this absurd toy at Jake, “Dude, why are you showing me this? What is an ‘Optimus Prime’”, using his ‘quote’ fingers to pull this out of his ass…
“Listen I’m telling you,” Jeremy yells back. Nicholas cuts in, “WE ARE TELLING YOU, we saw this guy?” Didn’t he leave you anything?
“Ok”, Jake says, yesterday was a bit bumpy. Jake flashes back to the night before when his dad was being rather mean. “I think I went to sleep early. There was something downstairs, but my dad accidentally ummm spilled something on it.”
Jump to 24 hours ago.
Elf Leroy:
You fucking midget punk. What the FUCK are you doing?
Elf Larry:
Holy shit I will fuck your shit up man.
Elf Leroy:
Holy shit. That’s it’s I’m kicking your ass.
Elf Leroy punches Elf Larry in the face.
Cut to Elf Balma walking into the room:
Holy shit you idiots are stupid. Stop eating shit. Freaking nunchucks.
Santa blares in Ho, Ho, Ho. Merriest of almost Christmases, Holy… The rooms fills with bellows from his stomachs rumble. Santa’s eyes just roll over, the elves all look at him like he’s about to die. They’re look of horror causes Santa to get more anxious and he blurts out, “What?! What?!!!! Holy Shit What?!!!”
Elf Leroy:
Dude. Chill out.
Santa:
I gotta go to the crapper. Freaking crab shrimp enchiladas? Who thinks to eat that?
Elf Balma:
You guys better not fuck this up this year.
Elf Leroy:
Holy fuck Balma, suck on my dick.
Santa jumps on the sleigh. As he does he feels a warm breeze pass by his face: Camera to eyes moving to the left and then forward towards the reindeers as two of them are turned around looking back.
Prancer turns around, head turned down nodding.
“Stinky bastard! Off Prancer off, damn it take off, what is taking so long hello?! People. Take. OFf!.” Prancer farts again.
Elf Zinga walks out from under the carriage. “You’re not going anywhere yet.” Santa:
What? What?>! What?! It’s 12 O’Clock. 12. 12 as in now I go. So let’s, you know, go.
— Zeus ::)
